Women need to figure out what it is they want from a man. Do you want momentary sex, do you want a consistent sexual partner in an effort to keep your numbers low, or do you want it all. I'm talking marriage, children, things of that nature. How you maneuver with your suitors is what's going to determine whether or not you at least get on the path to what it is you're looking for. No man worth taking seriously is gonna be discussing marriage with you and living plans before having met you, living just a few short hours away, and in Facebook chat boxes. Allow me to help.
YES! A man will spend money coming to see you and JUST want you for sex.
YES! A man will spend money just to bring you to him JUST to have sex.
YES! A man will feign interest in marriage, buy flowers and pay for hotel rooms, while referring to you as his wife and JUST want sex.
All of the above mentioned are very cheap actions that don't cost much. I was rather close with a brother from Texas who flew all the way to California to attend a popular sister on Facebook's court hearing, fucked her, only to return right back to Texas to his woman of 20+ years, wife of 12+ years, mother of his only son, and go on and on , on Facebook about how much he loved her, how much she meant to him, and how she's always been by his side through his many flaws. Mind you, he introduced this other woman that he only knew from Facebook to his mother and everything. He even told me that he was gonna make her his wife and he was so excited. He was excited by how much they had in common. She allowed him to teach her, not to mention she had learned a great deal prior to him. What I didn't know at the time is that he was lying about having legally separated from his wife and started the divorce proceedings.
Can you imagine how heartbroken this woman had to be? This was an actively married man who told her one thing, lived another, and all while they showed public displays of affection via poetry on each other's Facebook walls and even he turned out to be completely filled with the shit of several different animals. But she was no better. Why the hell are you on Facebook campaigning against Beyonce and referring to her as the Queen of Whoredom, preaching black man, woman and child, and going so far as to get close to the mother of a man who hasn't at least shown you proof that he's actively going through with a divorce? This isn't the only Microwave Facebook Yogi this sister has fallen for and she continues to get played by even more popular men. Mind you, she lectures across country and is one of Facebook's top debaters. But apparently, much more work on self is needed.
My point is that even the seemingly brightest among us are growing weaker due to extreme loneliness, wanting the beautiful relationships that others seem to have, and just feeling incomplete. Women with children who lack active fathers are exceptionally vulnerable. They want what appears to be an ideal family setup. I've been there and I'm so glad that I got to experience a big beautiful wedding, children, and the experience that came with it all. Because I got marriage and divorce out of my system, I don't mind taking my time this go round. I was in a rush, trying to get away from one statistic and ran smack dab into another. I sympathize and empathize because I've been there. The thing is, I don't wanna see YOU go there if you don't have to. But the truth is, you may very well need those Looney Tune, Cartoon style lumps on your head in order to get the point.
Sending love, light and healing to black women who really just want to do what they've been taught is right. They mean no harm, WE MEAN NO HARM, and there is no crime in wanting to be loved by men who appear to be on the same page as us or at least willing to look in the same direction.
As women, we have to cover down on one another. But as women, we also have to ALLOW women to cover down on us. Experienced women are our greatest allies. These are our strongest and most important allies. We have to allow them to speak freely and forewarn us when necessary.
As women, we have to cover down on one another. But as women, we also have to ALLOW women to cover down on us. Experienced women are our greatest allies. These are our strongest and most important allies. We have to allow them to speak freely and forewarn us when necessary.
I strive to be my sister's keeper at all times. Even if I miss the mark, my intentions are always A-1.
CO-SIGNED! I AM my sisters cover <3
ReplyDeleteThis post is real talk. I've never been married before. I used to want to get married, but I'm at the point where I enjoy my single life.
ReplyDeleteLove this. I always loved the idea of love and marriage. But I so rarely envied real women in real marriages. It seems so odd that the woman I found most problematic. --a conservative white woman who would probably die before calling herself a "feminist" -- actually seemed to have the love, friendship, partnership, and mutual respect that seems to be missing from so many of the marriages I witnessed from a distance. Women demand so little that otherwise good (?) men become bigger and bigger bullies with each passing year. -- like compromise is a check in the loser column but he had better shut his mouth, clamp down on the resentment because SHE IS THE ONE that is argumentative. -- the most un-peaceful undermining peace there is for a woman. I don't hope for marriage anymore. But I hope my sisters will cut the damaged **compensating for white racism type men** and misogyny blind type men loose faster than I did ...I shudder when I think of the men I tried to hold on to....maybe I was typical or stereotypical thinking I'd change them or they would change me...anything to feel like I was paired and desirable and capable of deep, radical love.
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