Black Men and Their Allergic Reaction to Accountability

There's nothing wrong with black women who want to figure out how they can better relate to black men. There's nothing wrong with black women who want to better understand how to manage interactions with black men. There is nothing wrong with black women stating that they are only making themselves available ONLY to black men. There really is nothing wrong with these things. In the meantime, what black women don't have to do is cater to or beg for respect from black men who are hell bent on disrespecting them/us. What black women don't have to do is sit online, day in and day out attempting to teach ill behaved black men who lack home training how to speak to us. What we don't have to do is play into the "pick me" traps that black men constantly lay for black women. What we don't have to do is sit back and watch as black men justify disrespecting black women based on whether or not we're dressed in a particular manner or refer to ourselves as feminists. I've seen black men say that they are justified in disrespecting black women who adhere to the feminist movement, yet their track record shows a consistent disrespect towards women who who have never even subscribed to it. More and more black men are looking for an out from being accountable for their gross mistreatment of black women, and more black women are giving it to them by cosigning their foolishness.

While I understand the hatred, the reasons being given for it are oft times wrong and outright lies. You're not disrespecting women because you think they're Feminists or because they wore a pair of shorts you felt could have been longer. You're doing it because you haven't been challenged enough to be respectful. No one really showed you how to respect women. You fell in line with a society that makes disrespecting women, particular those who are black, a sport. Instead of changing for the better, you'd rather look to us for the reasons why we MAKE you disrespect us. A woman doesn't incite you to disrespect by simply posing on a sink, taking pics in her fitness gear or undies. The disrespect was already in you. Respectability is shown from the inside out and no one brings out of you that which isn't lying dormant in you. Some of your mothers don't even realize that they seriously dropped the ball in teaching you how to respect a woman. They blamed all the women you were with, for being with you. Some of your fathers couldn't teach you how to respect a woman because they suffer from the same misguided lesson on manhood that society instilled in you.

So the next time you disrespect a woman, a black women, know and understand that the reason lies in YOU! It has nothing to do with her. She doesn't know you. She didn't have you in mind when she got up and got dressed. She's not responsible for all the other women who may have rejected you throughout the years. She's not responsible for the mother who was abusive to you, who disregarded you, and/or allowed you to be abused by men she failed to carefully vet. Some of you make the mistake of running to religion which helps to further fuel your dogmatic treatment of women, when what you so desperately need is therapy from a licensed professional. You flock to online, overnight sensation, Microwave Yogis when what you need is someone who is less driven by the "like" button on a Facebook Page and a boost in popularity, and who is more skilled at handling troubled men and women. You allow men on social media, who are just as damaged as you, to lead you to the slaughter of your self esteem, and possibly the slaughtering of innocent and unsuspecting black women and children.

The choice to change is yours and as adult men, you must know that your refusal to change is NOT the fault of black women you casually come across, that you could very well avoid if that's what you really wanted to do.

Experienced Women and Intuition Are a Woman's Greatest Protection

Women need to figure out what it is they want from a man. Do you want momentary sex, do you want a consistent sexual partner in an effort to keep your numbers low, or do you want it all. I'm talking marriage, children, things of that nature. How you maneuver with your suitors is what's going to determine whether or not you at least get on the path to what it is you're looking for. No man worth taking seriously is gonna be discussing marriage with you and living plans before having met you, living just a few short hours away, and in Facebook chat boxes. Allow me to help.

YES! A man will spend money coming to see you and JUST want you for sex.

YES! A man will spend money just to bring you to him JUST to have sex.

YES! A man will feign interest in marriage, buy flowers and pay for hotel rooms, while referring to you as his wife and JUST want sex.

All of the above mentioned are very cheap actions that don't cost much. I was rather close with a brother from Texas who flew all the way to California to attend a popular sister on Facebook's court hearing, fucked her, only to return right back to Texas to his woman of 20+ years, wife of 12+ years, mother of his only son, and go on and on , on Facebook about how much he loved her, how much she meant to him, and how she's always been by his side through his many flaws. Mind you, he introduced this other woman that he only knew from Facebook to his mother and everything. He even told me that he was gonna make her his wife and he was so excited. He was excited by how much they had in common. She allowed him to teach her, not to mention she had learned a great deal prior to him. What I didn't know at the time is that he was lying about having legally separated from his wife and started the divorce proceedings.

Can you imagine how heartbroken this woman had to be? This was an actively married man who told her one thing, lived another, and all while they showed public displays of affection via poetry on each other's Facebook walls and even he turned out to be completely filled with the shit of several different animals. But she was no better. Why the hell are you on Facebook campaigning against Beyonce and referring to her as the Queen of Whoredom, preaching black man, woman and child, and going so far as to get close to the mother of a man who hasn't at least shown you proof that he's actively going through with a divorce? This isn't the only Microwave Facebook Yogi this sister has fallen for and she continues to get played by even more popular men. Mind you, she lectures across country and is one of Facebook's top debaters. But apparently, much more work on self is needed.

My point is that even the seemingly brightest among us are growing weaker due to extreme loneliness, wanting the beautiful relationships that others seem to have, and just feeling incomplete. Women with children who lack active fathers are exceptionally vulnerable. They want what appears to be an ideal family setup. I've been there and I'm so glad that I got to experience a big beautiful wedding, children, and the experience that came with it all. Because I got marriage and divorce out of my system, I don't mind taking my time this go round. I was in a rush, trying to get away from one statistic and ran smack dab into another. I sympathize and empathize because I've been there. The thing is, I don't wanna see YOU go there if you don't have to. But the truth is, you may very well need those Looney Tune, Cartoon style lumps on your head in order to get the point.

Sending love, light and healing to black women who really just want to do what they've been taught is right. They mean no harm, WE MEAN NO HARM, and there is no crime in wanting to be loved by men who appear to be on the same page as us or at least willing to look in the same direction.
As women, we have to cover down on one another. But as women, we also have to ALLOW women to cover down on us. Experienced women are our greatest allies. These are our strongest and most important allies. We have to allow them to speak freely and forewarn us when necessary.

I strive to be my sister's keeper at all times. Even if I miss the mark, my intentions are always A-1.

‪#‎WomenCentered‬

Mental Illness and the Social Media Spotlight

So you’re friends with someone on Facebook. At some point, you realize that something simply isn’t right with this person. It may have been a phone conversation where they dumped all of their childhood trauma in your lap. It could have been numerous inbox conversations where all a person had for you were numerous sob stories with what seemed to be no end. Perhaps it was you catching them being exceptionally messy and somehow involving you. Regardless to the reason, you knew that this person wasn’t someone that you saw yourself building a relationship with, even it if was just Facebook. The problem is this person’s misunderstanding of social media and how it works.

Rule no.1 Facebook Friend doesn’t mean real life friend.

Rule no.2 A person has every right to delete and or block you, without warning, and at any given time.

Rule no.3 No one you come across on Facebook is responsible for whatever mental health issues you suffer from outside of here.

Rule no.4 IT’S JUST FACEBOOK!

A misunderstanding of this has some people bypassing what could be an awesome Facebook experience, for their own little insane asylum that they want the rest of us to keep them company in.

When you delete someone on Facebook, it would be nice if it just ended there, right? Well, there are those who take your deleting them quite personal. You remind them of all the people who jump ship because they have first hand experience of their mental illness and the backlash that comes attached with being connected to them. In their minds, you’re a representation of the broken relationships that left them bitter. So now, you’re gonna feel it. These people stalk and follow you years after your decision to part ways, from harassing you on the pages of mutual friends, to even stooping to following you to other social media outlets. It’s confusing as hell because at the same time, these people have convinced themselves that it’s you who is stuck on them. They’ll share posts from your page, tag you in nasty diatribes, and do everything short of standing on their heads and doing a fan dance in order to gain your attention. A mere acknowledgement of them, from you, would make their day. If you take the bait and respond, they’ll use that as fuel to say that it is you who are interested in them. What’s even more unbelievable is that these people are several decades old. These people either can’t afford the help that they need or are in denial about needing it, and you, by way of social media, becomes their only outlet. You are a representation of any and everyone who ever hurt them. You were their very best friend in their heads. they wanted to be like you, according to them. They wanted to think like you, live like you, even one day work for you. But once you pushed that button, you morphed into a human walking, talking boil that resides on their very existence and all you ever did was exercise your right to no longer be connected to them.

Let this be a lesson to many of us. Pay close attention to those who go on public rampages about people who deleted them, especially if they were once singing these people’s praises. Typically, you’ll find that these people are very dishonest and never really have a valid reason for disliking the person other than said person decided to cut them off. How do you have that much of a problem with someone you never had a solid relationship with? Social media has provided wings for every diagnosed to no diagnose having individual who wants to strut their crazy stuff all about the townspeople. We are in a time where everyone is on candid camera and lights are everywhere. People will grow envious of you for being liked by so many, when they can’t even seem to get a like on one of the many erratic posts that you’ll find them spamming their own pages with. While people such as this may be entertaining to some of you, it’s really not funny. These are oft times unfulfilled, unsatisfied, and unloved people who hate you for being just the opposite. So many come to Facebook hoping to get the love they can’t seem to manage in real life and when that doesn’t happen, they turn rabid.

Just be mindful of the people you confide in and allow to confide in you. Some people are way beyond any help that any of us could offer them.