There is a family structure taking the Black Community in America by storm. Polygamy is becoming as popular and common as said monogamous relationships. Both Men and Women are partaking in the reawakening of this ancient practice (polygyny, polyandry). But is it beneficial or detrimental? Some use it as their answer to Nation Building, and restoration of the Black Family. Others for the fulfillment of personal, sexual desires. There are many who will argue that it is the answer to the ailing Black Family Structure while others see it as justified infidelity. While scriptures such as The Holy Bible as well as The Holy Qu'ran support such lifestyles for male parties, it is NOT without stipulations and requirements. For example, the husband is to administer equal treatment upon all wives and shall not acquire more than one if he's not able to do so. Many argue that it is difficult to treat multiple mates as equals being that one's desire will always tend to lean to one, more so than the other/s. But what is meant by equality? Is one's personal feelings taken into account, or does this equality speak to material possessions such as ones living quarters, property, and personal belongings? Is one required to love equally or simply provide for equally?
Another major concern as it pertains to this lifestyle is the patriarch or matriarchs choice in mates. There are countless reports of unhappy polygamous situations. Why, you ask? Well in my opinion, it stems from those who are more interested in the fulfillment of personal desires rather than the fulfillment of a functioning family. Did you take into account the personalities of these men/women, their wants, their needs, their goals, also taking into account whether or not they coincide with the wife or wives, husband or husbands already in place? Did you choose these men/women based on what they offered to the union already in place, or did you choose these men/women based on what they had to offer you, and you alone? When dealing in polygamous situations, all parties must be taken into consideration. Will this be a mixture of oil and vinegar, or baking soda and vinegar? How will the children (if any) get along? Do these men/women even care for each other? The root of the problems surrounding polygamy is selfishness. I want, so I get, regardless to the feelings of all others involved. If you're basing your foundation for polygamy on who gives you a physical rise, then you are surely asking for trouble.
So what is the basis for a successful polygamous relationship? It's very simple, LOVE! Love has to be at the forefront of any successful relationship. I'm not speaking of love in a fairytale or made for TV romance sense. While that plays a part, that can't be the primary focus. There has to be a love of family in it's entirety for with that love will also bring about consideration. How do these men or women feel about the idea of rearing each others children i.e nursing (breastfeeding), schooling, and being responsible for them in the event that one shall pass on before the children reach adulthood? If the sole focus of this particular form of relationship is carnal, there will be discomfort and ultimately there will be problems that arise. Also, business and the obtaining of resources. I don't understand families with multiple partners and children who are barely capable of functioning. Everyone should bring something to the table that stands to help the family flourish in terms of economics.In summation, before one strives toward the lifestyle of Polygamy they should be well aware of the pros and cons and familiarize themselves with the means by which to bring about balance. Also, before any of us enter any relationship, there should be a period of self study. This is done only through patience. It takes patience to prepare oneself for the entering of a union with another, then even more patience to be alone while doing so. While there may very well be instances where you just want someone to love and hold, if the preparation time is properly spent beforehand, it may just ensure the longevity of your union.
Ive said before that I dont think polygamy works. I think it is more a gratifcation of self rather than a family building or unity building experience. Maybe Im blinded to the few cases Ive come into contact with, but jealousy and lust often are the only emotions that maintain any sense of magnitude within the polygamous marriage. Maybe Im wrong, but I think the answer to building a strong family is for one man to take one woman and adore her and for them to love and respect and support each other and struggle and grow relying on each other and not another that is vying for his attentions.
ReplyDeleteI know that we are not ready for polygamy as a collective but as a African American I know that polygamy is a form of marriage and healthy marriages are needed in our community. I would love to have sistah-wives but I don't take this issue lightly. Polygamy like all marriages needs a community that supports it, being that most African-Americans adhere to foreign ideologies (Christianity, Islam, etc.) I think it will be hard to implement a system of polygamy that will truly address our needs.
ReplyDeleteI'd like to thank you both for your input which has brought about great points. It's my belief that a polygamous situation is only going to be as productive as those who are involved.This is why I spoke of "the mixture." Many don't take the proper amount of time to access those whom they choose thus paving the way for disaster. Many don't take their monogamous relationships so we can't expect too much more from those who opt to take on multiples. I've seen very successful relationships who are also polygamous. The emotional downside that many hone in on as it pertains to polygamous relationships reside at the same rate if not more in monogamous relationships.
ReplyDeleteI'm a polygamist and one of the main reasons why polygyny was developed and practiced by the ancients was to enhance spiritual growth and development and succeed in the strength of economic power of the family, community and nation. Wherein a brother "might" achieve moderately well in a basic monoganous structure, he could maximize his efforts a hundred fold with the right combination of sister-wives. Bear in mind this idea was first introduced into the community by the women of the society.
ReplyDeleteThe biblical story of Jacob, the reputed father of the Israelite nation, mentions his four wives and how the first two brought the latter two into the family. In this present Euro-centric dominated society which is adverse to our very nature, it is somewhat difficult for us to practice those traditions which are more in tuned with our cosmic vibrations.
Therefore we must adopt the wisdom of traditional African value which advises us to practice "tradition and reason" as we strive for excellence to create a new society a better condition and a better world. There is much truth in the old adage "Where there is a will, there is a way."
please read your bibles properly and stop misinterpreting same.
ReplyDeletei hope you have read in the bible that Jesus said it is one man one wife and so it was from the beginning.
the errors of the polygamist in the bible is not and has never been the standard.
Actually, most who claim to know the bible don't truly understand it. Many of you don't know that Jesus himself was not without love, sex, or marriage. If you don't take the time to learn beyond the allegory, you and many others will ALWAYS be a victim of limited understanding and a gross misinterpretation.
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